'Question time' or a field full of flowers?

I remain particularly interested and perplexed by those behavioural endeavours which are affected by the conceptual occurrences of projection, transference and counter transference. Since being introduced through ‘psych 101’ and more in-depth studies in expressive therapies, I have attempted to be acutely aware of my own lens and use of these concepts, while also observing their usage by others. And, I wonder, does my own lens affect what I observe in others? Well of course it does. However, hopefully my self-awareness allows for a certain level of accuracy when observing others. This is the hope.

So, let’s assume my self-awareness is adept enough to observe projection, transference and counter transference in both myself and others. My queries and puzzlement really grow from those who criticise behaviour in others which they themselves seemingly engage often. Additionally, those who perceive a person as categorised in a way which is false and more closely identified to a past relationship. And, even more concerning, mental health professionals who have neglected to nourish their self -awareness and unwittingly project or transfer “baggage” to their patients. Yes..it happens. Having worked in mental health for around 8 years, I have regularly witnessed this pattern. Is my lens on high alert? Quite possibly. My radar is highly sensitive to shitty treatment of people by those with a clear lack of self-awareness. And what is often the case, any dissatisfaction displayed is attributed to my ‘mental illness’. What the?

Should I be bothered by other’s behaviour? Is it really any of my business? Yes. It becomes my business because I am a part of it. It is when I am a target and also when I exist in a system which reveres and values a medical, political and competitive model that indeed sometimes ignores its hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness.

Systems trickle down and I most certainly do not want my children solving problems in groups as demonstrated in parliament question time. Or, throwing punches at each other, seen as perfectly acceptable on the football field. These are essentially our cultural leaders, and this is how they solve problems. Are solutions even being found? Is anyone actually making decisions? Is the statistic that domestic violence rises during grand final being addressed? People continue to live for the next season when they might ‘win’. Have meetings about meetings. Endlessly consult in order to follow policies. And meanwhile, their brothers and sisters are suffering.

In the interest of creating solution focussed systems, what can we do?

I begun by referencing projection, transference and counter transference. It’s surprisingly simple. ‘I feel angry and it is your fault because…’ Instead. ‘I feel angry so I will explore inward and dissolve my anger’. Usually we are angry because our care givers did not know how, usually because their care givers did not know how, and so on. Ultimately, we are the only ones who can dissolve our anger. The other option is to pass it on to others either through simulation of ‘parliament question time’ or ‘punches on the football field’. And this just creates a room or field full of angry people.

I think I would rather a room full of genuine smiles and a field full of flowers.

:) <3 xx